No witty title or anything (I use ‘witty’ loosely). I’ve been addicted to Tumblr as of late, and something caught my eye that made my brain have one those moments. You know, those moments where something clicks and you zoom back to other times that you’ve been pissed off about the same damn thing?
This moment was about ‘The Friend Zone’
For those of you just tuning in to popular culture and the lingo of kids these days, the Friend Zone is this mythical place where nice guys get put by their beautiful female friends. According to myth, they are sent there by the words ‘You’re such a good friend’ while their female buddy skips off with the next doucher in the line of douches that she dates.
Guys who believe they are in the friend zone often times believe that women don’t want to date nice men, and that if their female friends would just look at them and stop dating assholes, the world will be a better place. Just like every other mythical thing: it’s bullshit, and I’m going to tell you why.
First off, let’s get past the fact that some women date men who are just not right for them. These women are free to do that, and they are free to not learn from their decisions. It’s their right as an individual human being. Guys who believe in the friend zone, let’s call them….Zoners, cling to this belief that there are no good guys but them, and they are a gift to women everywhere if they’d just give them a chance. What’s the problem with this? Why get upset about something that just seems a bit narcissitic? Because it borders on one of those ‘everything that’s wrong with the world’ things.
I had a friend in college (we are no longer friends, I could no longer stand him after living with him. Crusty sock issue). He was one of these guys that would always whine about how girls only date dicks, how they never give him a chance, how girls never want ‘nice guys’ yadda yadda yadda. Something about it always bothered me, and I knew there was something that was intrinsically wrong with his argument. I never could put my finger on it until the other day, and it turned out to be quite a few things wrong with it.
This friend of mine always went through the same pattern with these girls that he liked. He would meet them and put on his nice guy routine. (I have come to find out that this person is not really all that nice….and that’s not just the Crusty Sock Issue talking). These girls would see him as a friend, a nice guy that doesn’t mind listening to them. They would see him as a being, a human, that they could put even just a bit of their trust in. Usually, these girls already had a boyfriend. I don’t know if these boyfriends were all that bad, as I only had my friends side of the issue, but they were involved with someone. He would wait and wait and wait, continuing to be nice…to take them out to dinner and to hang out and be a companion. Then, when they would have rocky issues with their boyfriends, he would strike. He’d swoop in with this odd Super Hero Complex and try to save the damsel in distress. He’d ask them out on a real date, and he was almost always turned down. THIS was his proof that girls only want to date assholes. Like I said, some people like to date people that aren’t right for them for various reasons…none of which were his business. But, put yourself in the place of that girl. You’ve just broken up with someone you care about…and you go to this guy, this friend who maybe can give a different perspective, who has already shown that he is listening to you. You tell him all the horrible news and expect maybe a comforting word…but instead you get a date request. I’d turn you down too.
I almost wish I was still talking to this guy, so I could tell him just how much The Friend Zone is bullshit. Just because different people don’t want to date you, it doesn’t mean anything about an entire gender. The Friend Zone is a term so heavily used to narcissistic guys that see a woman as a vagina that, if showered with enough gifts…will open and be all yours for the dicking.
To those who claim they are in the Friend Zone: Stop it. How about instead of showering them with gifts, attention and posing as a friend, you just ask them out. If they say no, then you know where you stand. You can decide them if you want to keep them as a friend. They owe you nothing…no one asked you to pretend-friendship court them, no one forced you to imagine your life with them.
I’m so sick and tired hearing about The Friend Zone. I’m tired of seeing portrayed as some lovable dude that just can’t get that uppity bitches attention. Friend Zone philosophy is creepy and disturbing. Enough is Enough
(Note: Yes, this post was mostly directed at men, but that’s where is predominant in media and culture. Yes, it is targeted towards heterosexuals, but it happens outside that as well.)